The Biggest LOSER

The other day I was rolling (literally, with the twins) into the gym and got suckered into the current contest"The Biggest Loser". I must be desperate for adult companionship because normally, my immediate response would be "no way". However, the very friendly lady who looked around my age was talking (!) to me and cooing over my babies so I guess I wanted our time together to last. In the back of my mind I was thinking, "yeah, I'm already the biggest loser" but I bit my tongue and put forth my best impersonation of a normal, happy person who must have many friends, and loves contests. Very different picture from the me who just left my house in the same pants I've been wearing for days because I never see anyone and infrequently speak with other adults besides my husband or mother and whose list of friends dwindled to practically zero since the marriage/kids thing. So she is signing me up and I am pretending that this is totally normal for me when she pulls out the hand-held body fat monitor and thrusts it in my hands right at the front counter(gasp!). Oh but it gets worse. Then she loudly announces that this will determine my body fat percentage as a nearby gym member looks up from his paper, and asks the young gentleman behind the desk to take over so she can finish her computer work. Unable to mask my horror, I quickly switched gears and became the real, shy, insecure me who absolutely does not want a man taking down any numbers that relate to my body size, or people at the front of the gym watching. Well! Apparently she was also fakin' it and became the exasperated, annoyed 'oh you are a pain in the ass lady' woman and continued to "help" me enter the friggin' contest. For the final torturous act, she trots me over to a log sheet, in front of the entire cardio room, where she suggests I can log my hours with an alias. Hello, I am mgm and I am already the biggest loser.