Twins-O-Rama

This is my online journal for blathering about life as a mother of boy/girl twins.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

The Bottomless Pit of Why

At some point I just have to accept that the "why" no longer matters because my feelings are valid. This is the very sad truth I am struggling to accept. Bottom line, my husband continues to fail miserably in backing up his words with actions. In my mind, after I asked him to move out he would be ACTIVELY trying to prove his desire to be with me, not pointing out how we are like "oil and water" (I wonder which lame friend introduced him to that phrase), in one breath, then with little emotion saying he is "willing" to try and work on it in counseling. The part I never see is the "working" on it. He says the "feelings have faded" but "really deep down inside he wants it to work". I am so hurt-how could the man that married me, who I gave beautiful twins to not be inconsolable at the realization he might lose me? How could I have misread his inability to love me with such complete inaccuracy? Why am I forced to make the painful decision to divorce? Why did I have to read, "Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man" and feel like it was a personal letter to me? Why am I still hesitant to divorce him in light of his total ambivalence regarding me?

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